Monday, November 23, 2015

I "struck gold"

Tonight as I rubbed a gold tinted lotion over my skin
Something deeper than lotion started to sink in...
I looked at my toes and thought to myself, "those toes are hideous, you'll never wear peep-toe pumps again.."
Then I thought about what those toes and feet had endured,
Running long distances, then marching in formation. Now they act as a platform as my children "fly" on their bellies, through the air. 

As my hands rubbed the goop all over my legs, I thought how skinny and frail they looked, how knobby my knees were and look at that gap!! 
Then I thought about what these legs had done and still do, winning races, and climbing mountains. They act as a jungle gym for my two children. Bearing the weight of my big ol' belly for two full-term pregnancies. 

Speaking of belly, there my hands were, running over that belly button,
Bleh, what an eye sore! 
What once was cute and small and had a little piercing with a cute little jewel, was now all stretched out, floppy and loose. 
Then I thought about what this belly has been before, twice, it has stretched to fit my little babies. I felt them move, hiccup and kick inside my womb. 

I rubbed the lotion around my breasts, 
These breasts are so saggy now, depleted, you might say, for someone at 25, they surely have aged. 
They aren't perky and fun like they used to be, then I thought about what they have done, who they feed. Twice, now a baby was born and popped right onto my boob. First Georgia, now Lucy drinks the life-giving milk that my body produces.

As I glided the lotion over my arms, my thin, bony, skeleton arms, I thought how much different they used to be. 
In a time that seems long ago, they carried weapons and did push-ups. They were more toned, more muscular and much more strong. But then I thought about what they do now.  They've held newborns who have turned into babies and one into a toddler. They rock kiddos to sleep and hold them high so they can reach. Sometimes carrying a car seat and a toddler propped on my hip, my strength has not escaped me. 

I rubbed some lotion over my back, oh that back, that aching back. After a long day, it is so sore and worn, but what that back does all day... It does it all. 

I ran a little over my face, to complete the glow, and as I did, I couldn't help but see, the tired, worn, woman looking back at me. She has aged and she is tired, her eyes are kinda sad. Dark circles under her eyes show signs of sleep that needs to be had.  But what those eyes have seen, what they have watched?! My eyes have watched love and kindness, they have witnessed a spirit leave this mortal life and have watched new life come into the world. I've looked into the eyes of my soul mate, as we committed our love to the eternities and so much more that I can't begin to divulge.

I look down at what, to me, in my mortal eyes, looks likes a waste of a body. A sickly excuse of what a mother should be. No curves, all edges. 
Then I think of this body through eyes of divinity, what purpose this body has. The stress it's under, and it still continues to function. 
In the world, my body is criticized and slighted. 
It is too skinny to some, and to others I am "hated" because they feel their bodies aren't in the shape they feel is fair. 
They say "eat a cupcake", "you look like a 12 year old boy."  
How do I escape this, what can I change?
It's changing my outlook, in order to win. 
When God sees me, He sees His daughter. He sees a daughter to earthly parents and a wife to a chosen son. God sees a Mother to two of His princesses. 
I have been given so much, God has blessed me in so many ways. 
This time will pass and I'll be whole again. My children will grow and my body will, too. I might always have a thigh gap, but it's out of genetics, that I do.
I have to remember, that I am imperfect.  
But as imperfect as this body is, it serves one helluva purpose! 

So often I take this body for granted, forgetting all that it has done and all that it does. I am so blessed to have this body. God knows what he's doing. I have to lose the thought of what everyone thinks in order to see my body in a way that is positive. Also, next time I want a golden glow, I'm getting a spray tan!


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