Stepping Into the Frame

Written by: Shanda

Well hello there! I thought I would take a second to introduce myself. I am a momma to 3 beautiful kiddos ages 4, 2, and 6 months, photographer of over 9 years, and aspiring minimalist. I also am a kid at heart, a great starter, but horrible finisher, unorganized (hence the desire for minimalism), indecisive, and fly by the seat of my pants. My husband is one of the most organized people I know and yet still loves me and drops anything to go on one of my crazy, last minute adventures. That is true love right there!

My brain functions on picture mode. I see everything as a tender moment that needs to be captured. I see light hitting the floor and think, “I need to put my baby there”. We constantly want to document our children. We want to have these special memories of them to cherish. We want to be able to look back on these images when we are old and relive those special little people in our lives. A photograph can draw you back into a time, moment, or feeling. It brings back memories of things that may have been forgotten. Our children are our most treasured memories, so we document them. We blow up social media with pictures of our kids, stories of things they did or said, and how proud we are of them or love them. BUT how many times do we take the time to create cherished memories of ourselves for our children?

I felt an overwhelming push to start a page on Facebook, Yes I Do Have a Face, encouraging mommas to be in pictures with their kiddos. I must admit that I mainly started it just to get my butt in gear! I was shocked with the response. I got countless emails from moms saying how they haven’t had a picture of themselves in years because they just didn’t feel pretty enough to be in pictures. That hit me hard. How many times as women have we avoided having our picture taken because we didn’t feel pretty enough? Here are some questions to ask yourself:  

1. Do you have a recent image of just you?

2. Do you have any pictures of you interacting with your kids?

3. Do you hide from pictures because you don’t feel like you look good enough for a picture?

4. Do you let yourself worth affect whether or not you get into a picture?

5. Do you never have pictures of yourself on a family outing?

6. Are you embarrassed or feel like you are putting people out by asking them to take a picture of you with your kids or by yourself?

If you can say that one or all of these questions applies to you, then you are probably in the same boat as most moms. I know that there are many times where I would feel like a pain asking a friend or family member to snap a quick picture of me with my kids. I felt like I was being a burden or was embarrassed to ask. There were and still are times where I don’t want to take a picture with my kids because I haven’t gotten ready for the day. We have to realize that our children see us both ways. Probably more not ready then ready! So why would they not want pictures of us looking both ways?

Here are some tips that I have found that have helped me to not be afraid of not being ready or “picture perfect” in order to get in the frame with some examples.

Have your child take a picture for you - I found that asking my oldest to take a picture of me takes the burden or embarrassment away. I felt more comfortable in front of the camera with my sweet little one holding it. Another plus to this is it produces real smiles watching them direct the picture.

Use your timer - This one takes a bit of effort, but turns out to be pretty nice, especially if you are wanting a picture of you with all of your kids.

Hide your face - I wouldn’t recommend doing this ALL the time, but in some cases it works. If there is a day where you really are feeling a moment, but aren’t ready for the day, jump in the frame, but pose so that your face isn’t showing.

Ask -  This one is kind of hard for me because I get embarrassed for some reason, but if you are with a friend ASK them to take a quick picture for you!

Let go of perfection - Our society makes us feel like we must be photoshopped, or everyone looking and perfect in order for a picture to be worth it. I say GET OVER YOURSELF to this! Some of my favorite pictures I do for my clients or myself are the ones that show the real life moments. A screaming kid, or a mess in the background don’t matter, but help to tell your story. Embrace the imperfect.

Get professional pictures done EVERY year - This is one thing that I feel SO strongly about. I wouldn’t ever have any good pictures of my family all together without hiring someone to take them for me. While you are having them done, you are already done up, so ask for one individual. It’s ok to get a single picture done. You never know when you may need it for a profile or business thing.

Those are just a few of the things that I do to help me feel more comfortable in front of the camera. I also like to do pictures with my family. It helps me to feel like the focus isn’t directly on me. I encourage you to make sure that you have pictures of you and your spouse. Our children are going to cherish those images one day. Seeing mom and dad together at special outings and events that they remember will be priceless to them. We don’t have to be perfect, but we do need to make sure that we are remembered. Always keep in the back of your mind that our children love us for who we are, not just when we are ready, skinny, dressed up or whatever else our reason for not being in the picture may be. They love us regardless, so show them love back by leaving something for them to cherish, a pathway to the past, a memory forever, a picture.

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Yes I Do Have a Face

On pregnancy and loss

I have written this post in my head many, many times and have thought about it even more. I sometimes have worried that writing my story would just bring back the overwhelming heartache I felt that day and the days,weeks, even months following. But I have learned that when you experience a loss, expressing your feelings and writing them down can be cathartic. And perhaps, there is a friend or someone reading this post that can benefit somehow from it. If that someone is reading this, you are not alone. Trust me on this, for I have been through this not just once, but twice.
These losses were miscarriages. I recently read miscarriage referred to as the "Voldermort of women's health issues." And it cannot be more true. Few people who experience it want to talk about it. Why? There are many reasons.. In my experience, it was heartbreaking to think about, let alone talk about. Plus, though I had made it through my first trimester, we had never announced the pregnancy. How was I supposed to bring up my miscarriage to all my friends and family who never even knew I was pregnant to begin with?

And this is me talking about my miscarriage, this is my story. In May 2012 my husband, Brandon and I were busy with preparations for moving to Spain for a masters degree program when I found out that I was pregnant. This was not my first, we already had a beautiful little boy who was a little over a year old. And all I could feel was nervous, anxious, unsure of what would happen, frustrated of the situation (imminent move overseas!) and just scared. We kept the news to ourselves, knowing all those who loved us would be a bit worried as well. We had already spent hundreds of dollars and countless hours on getting to Spain that I could just not imagine going and doing what we felt was best for our family (Brandon getting his masters degree in such a short amount of time). I saw my doctor at 6 weeks where I had an ultrasound and was able to see little babe's heart beating. I still could not believe this was happening.
Weeks passed and things seemed fine, I didn't have much of an appetite or cravings and hardly any vomiting, I thought I was lucky. Not too long after leaving our home and arriving in Ohio to visit family before our move, I started feeling terribly sick, couldn't eat anything for a couple of days. Not sure if this was the flu, or my body hinting to me that all was not well. A few days later I was back to normal. A few weeks passed and I was now at just a few days shy of 15 weeks, when I started spotting. I made some calls to nearby OB offices, all who advised not to come in unless I have heavy bleeding and/or cramps. I did not, and though I was a little reassured, I still felt like something just wasn't right. A few days past and I was still spotting a bit. Now, Liam and I were scheduled to leave for Spain in 2 weeks and my husband in 2 days. Then I started bleeding, and it was bad. My heart sank knowing that I had more than likely just lost our baby. We immediately drove straight to the hospital. There nurses tried to assure me that there was still hope as they searched and searched for my little babe's heartbeat, but I knew in my heart that they wouldn't find it. A doctor came in and performed an ultrasound and informed me that there was no blood going to my baby. I could see my baby on the screen, with arms and legs, only problem was that my baby was not moving. Another doctor came in to confirm that we had lost our baby a few weeks prior and that that my body had just held onto the baby, resulting in a "missed miscarriage." Even though this was the news I had anticipated hearing the entire drive to the hospital and the whole time the nurses couldn't find my baby's heartbeat, hearing it confirmed was terrible. They left the room to give us some time alone, leaving on the screen showing our little babe that had no heartbeat, that was gone. It felt so surreal in that hospital room knowing that the baby I had been carrying for 15 weeks was gone. This baby would not be part of our family. I would never hold this baby or sing to it or cuddle it for hours on end. For the past 4 months we had been about to be a family of 4.. and now it was just gone. They tried to reassure me that "these things happen" and that "I did nothing wrong." They sent me home and I was scheduled to come in the next morning for surgery. 
The next morning, as I laid in the freezing OR, waiting on the surgeon, a nurse brought me a few warm blankets and then came to my side, she didn't say anything either, She looked at me with such care in her eyes and took my hand and grasped it. I couldn't help but begin to cry, a mix of realization and sadness for what was happening and yet the sweet gesture brought me a little comfort. I truly feel like those who work in medicine have to just be meant for that job, and that particular nurse was clearly meant to be a nurse. 
Later in the recovery room, I was informed that I had lost a lot of blood, but they expected me to be ok. A bit later a nurse came and started to fill out my release papers. Turns out I was not ok, for hours they monitored me, trying to stabilize my heart rate and blood pressure. The whole day I was pumped full of IV fluids. After that didn't work, I was given a transfusion. Finally I could go home and hold my little boy. How glad I was that I had him that sad night. Being wheeled out of the hospital empty handed was probably the hardest part. I hadn't even thought about how hard that would be. The last time I had left a hospital (except for the day prior), I was wheeled out holding onto my precious Liam to take him home with us. This time I had nothing. 
Then the next day, as scheduled, Brandon left for Spain. I was left to mourn on my own. Most of those two weeks were spent lying awake at night, having no distraction from the thoughts that plagued my mind. The strongest thoughts were feelings of guilt. I felt guilty that I had not been excited about this precious life, and I felt guilty for not seeking help when I got sick thinking of the possibility that I miscarried due to dehydration. I don't think I will ever not wonder if I could have prevented my miscarriage. I don't think I will ever not wonder what our family would be like now, had we become a family of 4 then. 
Now, I can talk about these things without becoming an emotional mess. When I went through my miscarriage and the feelings and heartache were new, I did not want to talk about it. Not just because of the awkwardness surrounding never even announcing my pregnancy, but also, I hoped that I could just forget it all. I thought if I didn't talk about it and I could just forget it, it would be less painful. The reality was that never talking about it, did more harm than good. I felt alone in my loss. Though my husband obviously lost a baby as well, I still felt like he didn't understand what I was going through. I felt I had no one who knew what it was like to go through a loss like this. And a miscarriage isn't exactly what you bring up in everyday normal pleasant conversation, right? "Hey, how have you been!!?"..-"Oh, you know, just lost my baby that I wasn't excited about at 15 weeks and now I feel like crap.." In my head there would definitely had been awkward cricket sounds following. But as I very slowly began telling a few close friends and family members what happened, the responses I got were sincere, heartfelt reassurances of love and sympathy. And that was what I really could have used in the days and weeks following the loss of our precious baby. And though I don't have all the answers on why this happened, there are lessons I learned on my journey of loss. Human life is precious, and the gift to be able to conceive and carry a tiny, perfect human being within you is not a gift given to every woman. Appreciate it and don't take it for granted. And please, if you suffer the heartbreaking loss of a precious baby, don't rob your loved ones of supporting you by shutting down and not speaking about your loss.

Rachel is a mother to three babies, two here on earth and one angel baby.

Noni's House

Guest Contributor: Noni

Hello all! My name is Noni and I blog about DIY, Food and Wellness over at Noni's House I am so happy to be doing a guest post here and was so excited when Sally asked me! 

You know when you have a secret that you love and want to share with everyone you know, but don't want to because people might take it away from you? I know you do! Mine is....thrift stores!! (Actually all forms of second hand shopping: thrift stores, yard sales, flea markets, estate sales and consignment shops all have their own special place in my heart.)Yes, I want to tell everyone I know about the great deals I get, but then at the same time, I don't want them knowing because they could be getting something that I need, lol. I grew up loving going to yard sales every Saturday with my mom because she had a lot of growing kids and saw no point in buying new clothes when people were practically giving them away on the weekends. After school sometimes she would take us to the Goodwill or antique shops, and I remember that I loved getting lost in all the wondrous and different treasures. Even if I did't buy anything, I loved looking and appreciating. I know that second hand shopping has a certain stigma to it, but there are so many reasons to shop second hand and not new: 

1. Money- I don't even have to get into this. But I will say, second hand shopping lets you be creative if you have a constant revolving taste in style and/or decor
2. You are literally helping the planet. Recycling, landfill space, emissions from production and distribution, and child labor are all positively affected.
3. High quality items- Hey, I can afford Pottery Barn, Anthropologie, Free People, and West Elm on a weekly basis. From the thrift store!!
4. Unique- I am ALLLL about unique. My household items are unique gems that no one else has. And unique is good in my book.
5. Creative- Fiiiinally you can start doing all those pinned Pinterest DIY's that you have been wanting to do without breaking your innocent little piggy bank!! So backup and put that hammer down. 
6. Charity- yes, you are supporting charity in most cases! Just remember to give back, which is actually doing yourself a favor by keeping you clutter free. Those are just a FEW reasons why we should all be second hand shopping, even if it's not something you can do all the time.

Here are a few of my favorite second-hand treasures!

everything except table runner and marigolds thrifted/used 

100% thrifted/used or free

table $10, crock $22, everything else thrifted/used except rug

expensive mixing bowls gotten for a steal, everything else also thrifted/used

bench out of the trash, Pottery barn pillows $1 each, free brass pot, rafia rug new

all used

everything used except lit up Eiffel tower

People always ask me, 'how do you find such great things? I never find anything!' Cuz I go a lot, friends. I know when my favorite shops get their shipments in, and when they stock them. Another reason I find great stuff is because I actually look at everything in a particular department. Lets say I only have time to look at sweaters or long sleeved shirts. I zone in. I look through all of them. I know its a little OCD, I can't help it. (Once you get good at getting the feel for certain fabrics, textures, and even colors, you just know and you don't have to pull all of them out to get a closer look) and then I don't look at the rest of the store. It's hard, but it really keeps me focused. Ready for my top, #1, best ever secret???? I keep a master list of things I want. "Now in dire need"  and "I have plenty of time". Right now, my Now and in dire need=red flats for my wicked witch costume, pants for my self induced potty training 2 year old, yay. not. My Plenty of time= a fancy gold frame for my bathroom, the perfect SIZE side table (color doesn't matter, that's why there's paint). With second hand shopping, there is no knowing when you will find something you need, so I find that it's best to keep a list and stick to it as much as you can, or else before you know it, you're taking home that neon, spiked, placemat that you definitely do.not.need. 
I hope this post has inspired you to get out there and try second hand shopping with an open mind because, more good news, everything can be washed!!  Tell me if you have ever gone thrifting/second hand shopping, or if you haven't, and why you love/hate it!